Characters
The Gingerbread Man:
This guy I invented for a Marvel role playing game. He’s a super hero gingerbread man. He used to be the worlds best baker, but the world’s second best baker decided to do him in by pushing him into a giant vat of gingerbread dough. The Gingerbread Man’s baking prowess though went beyond what anyone could imagine and he managed to bake his soul into the dough. He can run faster than the speed of sound (the sonic boom can be annoying though so he doesn’t do it frequently), he has a candycane cane, a bubble gum gun, and when a limb is broken off it turns into thousands of tiny gingerbread men (though they’re so stupid they’re lucky if they actually do any harm). He’s practically invulnerable, the only way to kill him is by destroying his gumdrop eyes. As of now he’s living in Las Vegas (where else would accept him as normal?) and works as a police officer by day (wearing a human suit) and fights even more cruminals by night.
The Reverend Kibbles:
The Reverend Kibbles is one part bat, one part rat, one part gnome, and 3 parts televangelist. He’s a crazy preacher who holds the rapier of conversion (he has a chance of changing someone to his cause if he hits them over the head with it). He also has many, many half horse half gnome wizards. Of course they have a bit of trouble balancing because the horse part is on top…but it’s actually rather beautiful when they all cast Magic Missile together. Kibbles was a creation of my roommate Tom and I (mostly him at first, though I’ve taken over it now) for a D&D campaign I ran. There’s a lot of lore surrounding him, but in general he’s constantly leaving behind charred villages and forests and tends to end up in the bellies of large fish. His memorable quotes are “Convert,” “You Filthy Harpy,” “Turn or Burn,” and “Whore of Babylon.”
The Sad Hunter:
The Sad Hunter is a super hero. Unfortunately his talent and profession don’t mesh too well. He’s a hunter, but he has the amazing super power of being able to make friends with animals. He’s torn between his desire for companionship and his primal urge to kill. To make up for this he’s learned the art of taxidermy and surrounds himself with dead animals which he calls his “friends.” Fi-fi, a stuffed racoon, is his wife and he also has a stuffed wolf for a psychologist. The Sad Hunter is a guy who struggles desperately to fit into his world, but he’s too screwed up to do it right. He feels enormous amounts of guilt from killing all his friends, but he’s associated himself with being a hunter so much that he has to kill them. If he didn’t he’d be failing society and who he percieves himself to be. He’s also a Phelps’ child (they’re hate preachers) and a closet catholic.
Panshiko:
Panshiko is a friend of The Sad Hunter. In fact she’s his first living friend. Though she’s a bit weird. She’s a super hero also, but her talents are possibly less useful than Hunter’s. She can squirt water from her mouth up to about 30 ft. (though it’s generally a very light stream) and if no one is looking at her she can teleport short distances…she sometimes does this without realizing it. She came to the woods because she’s afraid of living. She feels disconnected from society and in general people scare her. One of the culminating factors in her leaving was when a Jigglypuff sang her to sleep and then proceeded to date rape her. Ever since then she has had trouble trusting anyone.
Alqaeda Gumby:
This is a character in the Sad Hunter world also. He didn’t start off as a terrorist, but after being searched at nearly every airport he went to and randomly being put on the terrorist watch list (mostly likely because of the color of his skin, green) he decided that terrorism was what society expected and wanted out of him. He tries to fulfill this expectation, but he’s just no good and terrorizing people. For some reason people aren’t too scared of a mishapen green glob a clay.
Homeland Security Blockheads:
These guys are after Alqaeda Gumby. They know what he’s up to and they’re going to put a stop to him…even though technically he’s not committed any crimes. However they’re not below illegal wiretaps, detaining him without charging him with any crimes, and torture. Unfortunately, when Gumby goes to the forest they quickly realize it’s an active terrorist cell. And that’s dangerous. It’s easy to demonize people with long beards and turbans…but cute fuzzy animals?
Kolboar the Terrible:
This is the story of a giant monster who can’t help but hurt people because he’s so huge and clumsy. It’s a fairy tale about how this monster with poor vision is constantly sad because he’s always killing people because of his clumsiness. At one point he accidentally crushes an entire village and all that’s left is a little girl who’s obviously pissed off at him for killing all her family and friends. Many people had tried to kill him before and failed, but she determines herself to do it. She climbs up him but as she gets to the top she realizes that he’s crying. She befriends him and with her 20/20 vision she helps him steer clear of hurting anyone else.